The Motherhood Roller Coaster

Today was one of those days... You know the kind that make you question why you ever decided to have children? Or am I the only one who feels that way? I read other mom's posts and blogs where they say motherhood is always so blissful and wonderful. Ugh. Lately motherhood is a roller coaster. And sure, sometimes motherhood is actually blissful but then it takes a turn downward and I look a lot like this-- 

---only angrier.

Anyways, today didn't start off as one of those days. It actually started off wonderfully. The boys were playing nicely together, Lucy was taking her morning nap, and I was cleaning. Then Lucy woke up so we went to The Dollar Tree and we got through the whole store with no incidents- miraculous! Blissful you might say!

And then I pushed my luck. I decided to go return a shirt at the San Tan Mall. I thought it would be fun because afterwards the boys could play at the Splash Pad. Silly me.

The shirt was an epic fail because apparently they only give store credit. Grrrr! Didn't they know I wanted to spend my money elsewhere? And then came the sinking realization that my bag with the towels, Lucy's swimsuit and a change of clothes for the boys was still hanging out in my garage. But alas, I thought, the boys already had their swim trunks on so let's do it anyways! 

Silly me. Steven didn't want to get wet because then he would be cold because he couldn't dry off (yes, cold in 100 degree weather). But Ben did decide to play in the sprink-a-lers (as he calls them) which was great...until he got a bloody nose 5 minutes later. And of course my stroller & diaper bag were on the other side of the splash pad so I had to walk him across with blood dripping down his face as everyone stared.

Then Ben was done being wet and wanted to play at the playground. I thought that'd be just dandy since Lucy needed to finish off her milk so I slowly pushed her stroller over to the designated stroller parking area (yes they have those) while holding her bottle. Only to hear some man complain loudly to his wife that they should move since this stroller was in there way of seeing their child. Well duh, that's what happens when you sit behind the designated stroller parking area. But I'm nice, so I moved. And moments later I discovered Lucy had a nice, giant poop coming out of her cute onesie. And that's when I was done. D-O-N-E, done.

So we went home. And did things improve? Not so much. I went to vacuum the house and the vacuum literally smelled like poop. So I had Steven Febreeze the carpet but he seemed to think he needed to Febreeze my freshly cleaned tile and wood floors too. And when I took the moment to loose my cool with him...well Lucy fell off my bed. And that's when I decided I win worst mom of the day award and it was time to quit all productive attempts. Period. And it worked well because apparently the student I tutored got the memo and didn't come. But dinner did not get the memo and I still had to make it, and poor Lucy with her achy head screamed the whole time I tried to cook. And....

Yes. Motherhood is not always blissful. Sometimes it's chaotic. And NOT a fun chaotic. It's the kind of chaotic that makes you want to collapse on to your bed and not leave your bed for DAYS. Yes, DAYS! Sometimes motherhood just feels plain awful. And you wonder what the heck your doing and why you can't get it all figured out already. For Pete's Sake I am on my 3rd baby! Shouldn't I have things figured out!? Shouldn't I!?

But now it's super late and the kids are all sleeping and it's easier to think of those blissful moments that make it worth it. They may seem fleeting sometimes but they're there....

Like when I find a bunch of selfies on my camera that Steven took when I was busy being productive...

Or when I'm chilling in the pool with the boys and Steven asks me, "Did the water turn your legs white?" And I get to explain how unlike him, sun does not "turn" my skin brown.

And that moment where I was watching Steven walk home from church wearing my diaper backpack. Thinking how in less then 50 days he'll be wearing his own backpack to Kindergarten and what a little man he is becoming.

Plus there's those morning cuddles with Ben. When he crawls into my bed half awake at 6:30 and scrunches up real close to me and strokes my face. 

And the way he pronounces things in his own Ben way. How a fly is a "cly" and one of his babysitter's  is "Brin-ka-ley" (not Brink-ley).

Or the smiles that Lucy gives that literally just light up the room. Made even cuter now that they include teethers.

And the way she reaches for other people but after "testing them out" she always just wants to come back to me.

Yeah, sometimes motherhood sucks. But, those blissful moments do (sort of, kind of) make up for it all. And I, oddly enough, will continue to willingly strap myself in to this motherhood roller coaster, day after day. And I oddly enough, would not trade this life for any other life. Ever. Period. The end.