Growing up

Sometimes I get taken aback when I look at my kids and realize how quickly time has passed and how much they've grown.  As we prepare for the upcoming holiday season, I have moments where I feel like all this just happened. As I walked through Ross this past week and watched Ben get totally thrilled by all the Halloween things, I was taken back to last year. Back to being very pregnant and walking through that same store and having Ben (or maybe it was Steven?) lose one of his "guys" among the Halloween decorations. And the very tired me had no desire to search for it but did anyways. Only to have him lose it again less than 30 minutes later in Target....All moments that are still clear and feel so recent. 

And then I'm brought back to the reality of the present with things like this picture:

A picture of my Kindergartner who looks so grown up and confident. And I can't believe that it was just last year he was tagging along with me on errands and driving his brother absolutely bonkers. Not that that has really changed, except that we do that on weekends now instead of weekdays. But he is older and learning things and maturing in small ways. 2 weeks in a row he has gotten "shows good character" on his weekly progress report instead of notes about the reminders he needed. And today during the primary program he sat and stood with reverence. And when it was his turn to speak he confidently told the Primary President he knew his part and then recited it--twice-- 2 feet away from the microphone---all blurred into one big word--- but he did it! Even if no one else knew what he was saying, I did and I was proud.

Then there's this cutie patootie:

Everyday she acts more and more like a toddler. She gets faster and faster with the crawling, more confident with the standing and she has even taken 1 or 2 little steps. She is a mommy's girl and will stalk me faithfully. She puts any sort of towel or clothing on her head like she's trying to dress herself. Sometimes she sounds like she is trying so hard to say what we are saying and she has been successful with saying "hi" and today I swear she told my mother "up!" I love watching her personality develop but at the same time it means she's growing up and she is no longer the little baby that I took home from the hospital and dressed in a million different extremely girly outfits just because I could.

And check out the boy on the left:

This boy used to look so tiny in his twin bed and now I can't believe how much he has stretched out. I watch as he tries to imitate his brother-- singing the songs he does, drawing pictures like him, counting everything too, and even trying to write like his big brother. Before I know it he'll be in Kindergarten too and I will be missing my little buddy who keeps me company all day and gives out hugs and cuddles freely. The boy that every adult loves because he dishes out sweetness in heaping spoonfuls. 

Sometimes I feel like the mundane tasks of motherhood are going to overwhelm me. I get consumed with frustration over the constant cleaning...toys, dishes, laundry, food....and the constant feeling that despite all I do things will never be clean. NEVER. Sometimes I get tired of having all the responsibility of caring for the kids. I have to wake up with them, make sure they get dressed, feed them, make sure teeth are brushed, pack Steven's lunch, help Steven with his homework, get them all bathed and ready for bed, etc. I have low moments where I just wish I had a husband that could help me so I could just be relieved of 1 or 2 of these duties every once in awhile. 

BUT, I know how blessed I am to have these 3 beautiful children. And how blessed I am to be at home with them. And just as I stood in the store remembering moments that seemed like only yesterday, I sit here knowing that these rough moments will pass quickly. And before I know it I will be reminiscing and missing the sweet hugs and kisses from my kids and the times they sat on my lap or held my hand and wishing they hadn't grown so fast.

Sickness

It's been a week of sickness in our house. Wednesday night I was awakened to the sound of vomiting. I thought it was one of the kids because it sounded distant but upon further investigation I discovered that the culprit was Tyler- who I had thought was lying in bed with me- but he was in the downstairs bathroom, making an awful noise that reverberated throughout the whole house. Ugh. I was not a sweet and comforting wife but rather I looked at him with disgust and retreated back to bed.

Tyler attempted to go to school (mind you he left to school right after having another bout in the bathroom) but he was home soon after- no big surprise. 

And that same day, Ben woke up from his nap with a gunked up eyes. I wanted to chalk it up to just being allergies because I swear we just had pink eye run rampant through our house. But in the 10 minutes is took us to pick Steven up from school, I could no longer be in denial. I looked at him and it was crazy eye central- swollen and pink. 

And Lucy of course had hopped on the sick boat, her nose had been running like a faucet all that day and she was super fussy. That night she reached the peak of fussiness, like monster baby fussy, and I actually put her down at 6:30 (normally she goes down at 8) and believe it or not, she slept until 6:30 the next day. That was a crazy amount of sleep for her.

The next day, Lucy awoke with gunk in her eye. In need of eye drops for 2 children now I called my doctor's office and made a fatal mistake- I admitted that Lucy had pink eye too. So instead of avoiding a visit, I essentially asked for one- if they're under one they won't order eye drops without a doctor's visit because apparently many babies get ear infections along with pink eye.

So in we went & out we went--$35 spent to be told it's just pink eye. Ugh. Off I went with 2 gross children to pick up eye drops at Target. Once there we had to wait a half hour for the medicine so I got to push my 2 noticeably germy kids through the store.

When we finally got home and I pulled out the drops I noticed a strange picture on them- it looked like an ear. Looking through the info sheet, I soon realized it was an ear. The pharmacist had given me the wrong medicine- good thing I noticed before putting them in the kids' eyes! So for a moment I wallowed in self pity, knowing that I needed to get this fixed but NOT wanting to. I had already made an unnecessary trip to the doctors, and at this point nap time was overdue and I did NOT want to schlep Ben & Lucy to Target again. 

BUT the kid's needed their medicine SO... a phone call was made, apologies were given (along with refunds) and again I drug Ben & Lucy to Target to pick up our now free eye drops. Lesson learned from that day- ALWAYS check your medicine! 

And now, a couple days later, Ben's eyes look normal, Tyler is still feeling funky and though Lucy's eyes look great, she still has a bad cold. And Steven, our normally sick and afflicted child, has remained unscathed through it all :)

Here's some pictures of the boys with their finds from Goodwill & the Dollar Store- they still haven't grasped the concept of saving their money for something big....

And cutie pie Lucy:

The Motherhood Roller Coaster

Today was one of those days... You know the kind that make you question why you ever decided to have children? Or am I the only one who feels that way? I read other mom's posts and blogs where they say motherhood is always so blissful and wonderful. Ugh. Lately motherhood is a roller coaster. And sure, sometimes motherhood is actually blissful but then it takes a turn downward and I look a lot like this-- 

---only angrier.

Anyways, today didn't start off as one of those days. It actually started off wonderfully. The boys were playing nicely together, Lucy was taking her morning nap, and I was cleaning. Then Lucy woke up so we went to The Dollar Tree and we got through the whole store with no incidents- miraculous! Blissful you might say!

And then I pushed my luck. I decided to go return a shirt at the San Tan Mall. I thought it would be fun because afterwards the boys could play at the Splash Pad. Silly me.

The shirt was an epic fail because apparently they only give store credit. Grrrr! Didn't they know I wanted to spend my money elsewhere? And then came the sinking realization that my bag with the towels, Lucy's swimsuit and a change of clothes for the boys was still hanging out in my garage. But alas, I thought, the boys already had their swim trunks on so let's do it anyways! 

Silly me. Steven didn't want to get wet because then he would be cold because he couldn't dry off (yes, cold in 100 degree weather). But Ben did decide to play in the sprink-a-lers (as he calls them) which was great...until he got a bloody nose 5 minutes later. And of course my stroller & diaper bag were on the other side of the splash pad so I had to walk him across with blood dripping down his face as everyone stared.

Then Ben was done being wet and wanted to play at the playground. I thought that'd be just dandy since Lucy needed to finish off her milk so I slowly pushed her stroller over to the designated stroller parking area (yes they have those) while holding her bottle. Only to hear some man complain loudly to his wife that they should move since this stroller was in there way of seeing their child. Well duh, that's what happens when you sit behind the designated stroller parking area. But I'm nice, so I moved. And moments later I discovered Lucy had a nice, giant poop coming out of her cute onesie. And that's when I was done. D-O-N-E, done.

So we went home. And did things improve? Not so much. I went to vacuum the house and the vacuum literally smelled like poop. So I had Steven Febreeze the carpet but he seemed to think he needed to Febreeze my freshly cleaned tile and wood floors too. And when I took the moment to loose my cool with him...well Lucy fell off my bed. And that's when I decided I win worst mom of the day award and it was time to quit all productive attempts. Period. And it worked well because apparently the student I tutored got the memo and didn't come. But dinner did not get the memo and I still had to make it, and poor Lucy with her achy head screamed the whole time I tried to cook. And....

Yes. Motherhood is not always blissful. Sometimes it's chaotic. And NOT a fun chaotic. It's the kind of chaotic that makes you want to collapse on to your bed and not leave your bed for DAYS. Yes, DAYS! Sometimes motherhood just feels plain awful. And you wonder what the heck your doing and why you can't get it all figured out already. For Pete's Sake I am on my 3rd baby! Shouldn't I have things figured out!? Shouldn't I!?

But now it's super late and the kids are all sleeping and it's easier to think of those blissful moments that make it worth it. They may seem fleeting sometimes but they're there....

Like when I find a bunch of selfies on my camera that Steven took when I was busy being productive...

Or when I'm chilling in the pool with the boys and Steven asks me, "Did the water turn your legs white?" And I get to explain how unlike him, sun does not "turn" my skin brown.

And that moment where I was watching Steven walk home from church wearing my diaper backpack. Thinking how in less then 50 days he'll be wearing his own backpack to Kindergarten and what a little man he is becoming.

Plus there's those morning cuddles with Ben. When he crawls into my bed half awake at 6:30 and scrunches up real close to me and strokes my face. 

And the way he pronounces things in his own Ben way. How a fly is a "cly" and one of his babysitter's  is "Brin-ka-ley" (not Brink-ley).

Or the smiles that Lucy gives that literally just light up the room. Made even cuter now that they include teethers.

And the way she reaches for other people but after "testing them out" she always just wants to come back to me.

Yeah, sometimes motherhood sucks. But, those blissful moments do (sort of, kind of) make up for it all. And I, oddly enough, will continue to willingly strap myself in to this motherhood roller coaster, day after day. And I oddly enough, would not trade this life for any other life. Ever. Period. The end.

Appointment

All it really took was one crazy morning last week and since then I have been feeling less inclined to go out and instead feeling more inclined to just stay home. Which means less fun Christmas activities for the kids...Poor kids....

So what happened? Well it all started with me almost forgetting about Lucy's Dr's appointment. Yes, I remembered it the night before but by that time I already had plans to do productive things and now I had to be unproductive and go to a Dr's office- not my favorite place to tote my children.

Then on the morning of the appointment I got a knock on the door saying they were going to turn off our power in a half an hour so they could switch out our rusty electric box. At first I thought no big deal, we have to leave in like 40 minutes anyways. But then I remembered I needed to try to cook dinner before we left (since I was tutoring in the afternoon) so I quickly made one of my easiest/fastest dishes- pizza rolls- and finished them just in the nick of time! The power turned off a few minutes after my food finished and a little bit later I gathered up the kids to head out...only I sort of forgot that a garage door runs on power. 

As I was beginning to panic about how I was going to muscle open the garage door, the power miraculously turned back on (maybe they heard me panicking!?) so I rushed out of the garage and off to Lucy's appointment. 

Well, in my hurry I left the diaper bag at home (in the garage to be more specific). Only a mother taking 3 kids to a Dr's appointment can truly understand the devastation of not having her diaper bag. First off it created problems with check in since I didn't have my insurance card and second off I had nothing. No diapers, no pacifier, no nursing cover, no toys or snacks for the boys- NOTHING! And of course Lucy woke up fussy the second we got there & of course we had to wait longer than we ever have before & of course she pooped & of course the boys were not entertained by the movie in the waiting room & of course Lucy was traumatized by her 1 shot & of course...It was a Very. Long. Appointment. 

Once survived, I took the children to my mother's house & collapsed. And since then, I have been avoiding major outings. Home is just so much nicer...

On a positive note Lucy is growing amazingly. At her 1 month appt. (technically she was 5 weeks) she weighed 10lbs 3oz (75%) and her height is 23inches (90%). 

A Hike

I never realized that a hike could be so traumatic for a toddler boy. Dirt, rocks, fresh air- what more could they ask for? Well...apparently the rocky terrain makes them nervous to walk on and being carried on someone's back is equivalent to torture. After going about half way up San Tan Mountain listening to sporadic screams and cries, I decided I couldn't endure it any longer. So I told my parents, brother & Steven to carry on and Ben and I would head back down.

LONGEST journey of my life. Pretty much the only time he wasn't screaming and crying was when we were not moving. He desperately wanted me to carry him (not in a backpack but in my arms) all the way back. 

When we reached the bottom we sat down and I properly melted down. My mom, not too much later, joined me. She wasn't willing to climb slippery rocks with the boys. And for some reason Ben was suddenly a-ok with being in the backpack. 

So we trooped around the bottom of the mountain until my dad, brother & Steven returned from their adventure to the top.

Thankfully they took pictures so I could enjoy the top vicariously:

My Mommy Moment

Today I went grocery shopping with my kids. The shopping itself was a normal experience with it's normal toddler fun. Ben screamed his ear-splitting scream a few times and Steven trudged far behind me, begging to leave so he could get his treat (yes I use bribery to get through the trip). We survived, checked out, and loaded up the van. Then I went to grab my keys so we could go...

And they were nowhere to be found. Not in my pockets, not in my diaper bag, not on any of the seats or in the trunk with the groceries. I looked AND looked AND looked. And then I panicked. I couldn't figure out how they could just disappear but after a half hour of searching I came to the conclusion that they must have done just that. I decided that they must be in the black hole that has swallowed up my boys' sippy cups,  socks, pacifiers, etc.

So I called Tyler and I begged him to come save me. After laughing at me, because he's so understanding, he agreed. And after all the stress and lost time it was then that I finally decided to do the smart thing and say a prayer. 1 minute later I remembered that while scouring the van for keys, I didn't look in the one place I often place my keys, the top of the van.

And there they were.  Sitting proudly on the top of my van. And Tyler... Well he showed up a few minutes after I arrived home. So who really got the last laugh?