Growing up

Sometimes I get taken aback when I look at my kids and realize how quickly time has passed and how much they've grown.  As we prepare for the upcoming holiday season, I have moments where I feel like all this just happened. As I walked through Ross this past week and watched Ben get totally thrilled by all the Halloween things, I was taken back to last year. Back to being very pregnant and walking through that same store and having Ben (or maybe it was Steven?) lose one of his "guys" among the Halloween decorations. And the very tired me had no desire to search for it but did anyways. Only to have him lose it again less than 30 minutes later in Target....All moments that are still clear and feel so recent. 

And then I'm brought back to the reality of the present with things like this picture:

A picture of my Kindergartner who looks so grown up and confident. And I can't believe that it was just last year he was tagging along with me on errands and driving his brother absolutely bonkers. Not that that has really changed, except that we do that on weekends now instead of weekdays. But he is older and learning things and maturing in small ways. 2 weeks in a row he has gotten "shows good character" on his weekly progress report instead of notes about the reminders he needed. And today during the primary program he sat and stood with reverence. And when it was his turn to speak he confidently told the Primary President he knew his part and then recited it--twice-- 2 feet away from the microphone---all blurred into one big word--- but he did it! Even if no one else knew what he was saying, I did and I was proud.

Then there's this cutie patootie:

Everyday she acts more and more like a toddler. She gets faster and faster with the crawling, more confident with the standing and she has even taken 1 or 2 little steps. She is a mommy's girl and will stalk me faithfully. She puts any sort of towel or clothing on her head like she's trying to dress herself. Sometimes she sounds like she is trying so hard to say what we are saying and she has been successful with saying "hi" and today I swear she told my mother "up!" I love watching her personality develop but at the same time it means she's growing up and she is no longer the little baby that I took home from the hospital and dressed in a million different extremely girly outfits just because I could.

And check out the boy on the left:

This boy used to look so tiny in his twin bed and now I can't believe how much he has stretched out. I watch as he tries to imitate his brother-- singing the songs he does, drawing pictures like him, counting everything too, and even trying to write like his big brother. Before I know it he'll be in Kindergarten too and I will be missing my little buddy who keeps me company all day and gives out hugs and cuddles freely. The boy that every adult loves because he dishes out sweetness in heaping spoonfuls. 

Sometimes I feel like the mundane tasks of motherhood are going to overwhelm me. I get consumed with frustration over the constant cleaning...toys, dishes, laundry, food....and the constant feeling that despite all I do things will never be clean. NEVER. Sometimes I get tired of having all the responsibility of caring for the kids. I have to wake up with them, make sure they get dressed, feed them, make sure teeth are brushed, pack Steven's lunch, help Steven with his homework, get them all bathed and ready for bed, etc. I have low moments where I just wish I had a husband that could help me so I could just be relieved of 1 or 2 of these duties every once in awhile. 

BUT, I know how blessed I am to have these 3 beautiful children. And how blessed I am to be at home with them. And just as I stood in the store remembering moments that seemed like only yesterday, I sit here knowing that these rough moments will pass quickly. And before I know it I will be reminiscing and missing the sweet hugs and kisses from my kids and the times they sat on my lap or held my hand and wishing they hadn't grown so fast.