Arizona and New Mexico

On Saturday I left my children and husband and flew to Arizona. I have determined that I am dependent on my dependents. I didn't love flying by myself. Waiting in the airport I had to haul my luggage with me everywhere, no older kids to watch it for me, and I lost my good seat at the gate when I had to go the bathroom. Then on the plane I had to sit by strangers and that makes me feel anxious and uncomfortable. Especially when the stranger randomly elbows you with no apology. BUT overall it went smoothly and I doodled on my tablet (and wondered if I was being judged for my unicorn screen saver and minecraft home screen) and I read a book and I ate my sandwich and made it safe and sound in Arizona.

Sunday morning Mike and I made our journey to New Mexico to our Aunt Ragena's home- my mom was already in New Mexico. We had a smooth journey there thanks to his amazing driving skills and once there we got good hugs from our Aunt, enjoyed some visiting and took a walk around her neighborhood. 

Monday we got to work pretty quickly. Mike worked on the yard, I helped shred papers and my mom went through things in David's old room and the office. Around lunchtime Ragena's friend came over and I heard her ask Ragena if this was stressing her out and if she needed to leave. Aunt Ragena said a little bit and mentioned the difficulty of making decisions. It hit me at that moment that even though this was work for us, it was emotionally hard on Ragena. So after a conversation with my mom we decided to stop going through her things and just spend time with her. It was a good choice. 

That afternoon, while Mike was taking a trip to the dump with Ragena's friend, I had a really good conversation with my Aunt and mom. We talked about when "mountains" don't move, about faith, about her struggle with cancer and mine with the loss of Isaac. It was a conversation full of tears but it was a good conversation. Sometimes it might seem like Ragena is in denial about her terminal diagnosis but I think it's just her head knows it but her heart has trouble letting go of hope. I felt that feeling after my first disappointing ultrasound. I knew I had lost Isaac but my heart hoped maybe a miracle would happen at the second ultrasound. Aunt Ragena did talk about visiting us after she died and I weirdly liked that because it feels like than I don't really have to say goodbye. Maybe I have some denial issues too?   

Tuesday Mike and I took Aunt Ragena's car into town for regular check up and we waited 2 hours for it. There was a super fun Western show playing in their waiting room. When they finally finished up with the car we picked up some Chick-Fil-A for lunch and then visited the National Atomic Museum in Albuquerque. The museum was pretty interesting but some of the science behind it was a little over my head. Mike really enjoyed it and I wish Tyler had been there, he would have enjoyed it too. I got sad looking at the destruction from the bombs. I hate how some leaders' greed for power cost so many innocent lives.

When we finished at the museum we got some groceries and went back to my Aunt's house. We socialized, I made some sloppy joes and Mike and I took our daily walk.

Wednesday Aunt Ragena had some work she wanted done- I helped sort through her shoes, and things in her laundry room. Then Mike and I did a run to the Salvation Army and to the dump. After that we had some fun. I made a potatoe salad which made my mom happy and then we made ice cream sundaes which made my Aunt happy. We had ourselves an ice cream party which involved dancing with our fingers to country music, and me modeling her gray hair wigs from when Ragena had chemo- apparently I look good with gray short hair. Yes, I know we are weird.

Around dinner time I ended up having to join my Zoom YW/RS activity. I had a counselor who was going to run a Kahoot Quiz that I had made so that I could miss the activity but that night Kahoot's website decided to die. So I hopped on (interrupting the opening prayer) and using an answer key that I had spontaneously (and luckily) brought, I attempted to remember the questions I had put on the Kahoot Quiz. It was stressful and I don't like thinking on the fly but in the end, it seemed to turn out ok.

Afterwards I was able to calm down and watch Star Trek and make a drawing of Data for my Aunt- she loves him.

Thursday we had to say goodbye, we took a selfie before heading back to Arizona. My Aunt has always been kind to me and my children and I am going to miss her.

The drive back was uneventful. Lots of talk about budgeting and being responsible with money- us adults are super exciting to travel with ;) I listened some to a story and tried not throw up- apparently I don't do fantastic in the back seat after a few hours.

Friday was a good day in Arizona. I went on a walk with my dad in the morning, it even got hot enough that I got a little sweaty. Then for lunch I had my most favorite sweet and savory crepes at the Broken Yolk. My dad tried to get the waiter to convince me not to leave AZ, or at least to move back to AZ. I told him he was barking up the wrong tree, Tyler is who he needs to convince. After lunch I saw "The Courier" with my dad. Coincidentally it was about the Cold War and so my visit to the Atomic Museum earlier that week helped me understand some things better. 

For dinner my mom and I met Rebecca and Lillian at Costa Vida. It was fun making Lillian giggle, she has the cutest giggle. After we ate we strolled through Deseret Book. I found a good graduation gift for my yw but they only had 1 of it and I needed 4. I waited forever to see if they had more, only to find out they didn't. But while waiting I spontaneously decided I needed a bag of caramels. They tasted homemade and were well worth the spontaneous purchase. I ended the day puzzling and watching "Modern Family" with my mom. 

Saturday it was time for me to fly back to my family- still didn't love traveling by myself. I had a man next to me in the plane that kept encrouching in my space but I was reading a book that really pulled me in so I stayed entertained. Landing safely in Michigan and getting some good hugs from my kids made enduring the fligth worth it. I was also impressed that they had cleaned up the house. That meant I was able to just unpack my stuff and then sit back and relax. It's good to be home but I am so grateful that I made the trip out there.