Tuesday I had another obgyn appointment. It was kind of a waste of an appointment. The mass is still there, seems smaller but he's not sure because he doesn't have the fancy ultrasound tech like the specialist does. Still have the same options- 1) Take a risk of infection and wait it out 2) Do a painful in office procedure to get it out 3) Go to the hospital and get a second, expensive, d and c. I am procrastinating a bit longer and going in to the specialist to get an ultrasound next week. I think if the mass has shrunk decently then I will just wait it out. If not, I am not sure what I'll do. The other 2 options are crap.
Tuesday night was another zoom youth activity. We didn't have a great turn out and the girls are still super awkward and not liking to take turns. Left me feeling disheartened. This virtual stuff just can't replace real life. I am feeling burnt out with all of it and super burnt out with reaching out to some young women often but never getting a response. I've been in this calling for about 8 months though so I have a long road ahead and I really need to find a way to deal better with it.
Wednesday the kids and I went on our usual bike ride to the library area. We had a lot of fun with sidewalk chalk but because of the sun and shade it was hard to get good pictures of their art. They made butterfly wings, a crown, chalk outlines of their bodies, crazy characters... We spent a good long while there.
Thursday I took my kids plus the neighbor (Jacob) to Proud Lake for a nature walk. Of course my tummy started bothering me as soon as I got there but somehow I survived until I got home. The boys were playing some strange game as they walked- it involved ghosts and writing weird messages in the dirt- but they still had time to climb trees to. It was a beautiful day and worth suffering through my tummy problems to spend some time in nature.
On Friday Tyler suddenly decided to move the guinea pigs out of the guest room into the boys room. I hate the new set up in the boy's room aesthetically but it is nice to have a guest room that is free of hay and bedding. Grams will appreciate that immensely.
Around lunchtime Friday I got a frantic text from my friend Caroline's son. Caroline had broken her ankle and her husband was coming but not right away (he's currently serving in the National Guard but locally. It was lucky he was able to come at all.). When I got there I felt so bad for her, she was in so much pain I wanted to make it go away but obviously couldn't. I loaded up her kids and was so worried about leaving her but just as I was about to go, her husband got there to take her to the hospital. In the end they think it's just a severe sprain but it was hard to tell in the x-rays because her foot was so swollen. And in the end for me, I had a bit of a mental breakdown after her husband picked up her kids that evening. Her youngest daughter is just so hard. She gets into everything, doesn't listen, fights with my kids and kicked me and even punched me once. Not okay. And mentally I've just been a bit of a disaster so I really struggled to handle all that crazy. I was also frustrated with Tyler saying he'd watch her but then she would end up outside without his knowledge or in our bathroom or somewhere else she shouldn't be. It was not a great day for me.
Today (Saturday)someone else volunteered to watch her youngest and her oldest kids so I just have the 2 middle kids. Much easier. I am so grateful for that.The weather is cold again so probably no fun outside excursions but at least they have 2 friends over so that will help the day pass.
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