On Wednesday I went in to the office to get it removed. The appointment started off with a pregnant nurse taking all my stats. I wish I wasn't that person that miscarries and struggles with seeing pregnant people but I am and that was hard. Then they set me up for the shot to numb my cervix and that is where everything went terribly wrong. The doctor accidentally hit a blood vessel with the numbing shot and immediately I tasted metal, then I started to feel dizzy and heard ringing in my ears and thankfully I was lying down already because my vision blacked out and all my limbs started shaking uncontrollably. It was terrible. I was conscious but barely. The doctor kept asking me questions- Are your ears ringing? Are you still dizzy? Etc. Etc. I'm sure it was to keep me awake but it was so annoying. I remember telling him I could take a really good nap because I could have. But I didn't. The doctor had said he had done a test to make sure he wasn't going to hit a blood vessel and it had come back clear but apparently that test can be wrong sometimes. He said he was not comfortable proceeding and he also felt like it was a bad omen so plans were made for me to get a d and c.
It took a good hour to recover from the blast of numbing medication in my bloodstream and to be able to drive home. I was wreck. I sobbed in the office when he told me I'd have to do the d and c, I sobbed in the car, I sobbed at home. I just felt so abandoned, like my prayers were bouncing off the walls. I felt betrayed by my body for causing me so many problems, for taking so long to recover. I was a mess. It took a lot of video messages, texts and voice messages with friends who've had miscarriages to pull myself out of my pity party and also to help with my shaken faith. I am still not quite there. I am still working on trusting God again, on trusting that He knows what's best for me. I'll get there.
Friday I had the d and c. That was a whole different experience with COVID in full swing. Tyler wasn't even able to go in to the waiting room- although I'm still not sure that's 100% true because I heard a nurse say to a patient that their son was in the waiting room.... As soon as I walked in they made me put on one of their masks and took my temperature. By the way wearing a mask with glasses is annoying. They kept fogging up. Once I got in the room I got tested for COVID and oh my heavens is that test uncomfortable. My nose was on fire. It was like getting soda up your nose but it doesn't come out for many seconds. The nurse told me that what I had was the less intense version so I guess I was lucky? The test came out negative, I don't have COVID. Then was the loooong waiting time. Hours of waiting and it's hard not to feel abandoned and forgotten. Right before the procedure I got to carry my iv bag and try to keep my gown closed as I took a bathroom break. Lucky for me there were a bunch of burly security guards hanging right outside the bathroom so I had an audience as I walked in. Apparently a person in the bed next to the bathroom was causing problems.
I will say that my prayers were answered in that I didn't get really anxious until I got put on the OR Table and seconds later I was out so no biggie. Apparently I was sleeping real good so I didn't get a chance to talk to the doctor but he left me a message letting me know that he used ultrasound during the procedure and was able to see that he got the mass out. My cramps were way worse this time upon waking up so the nurse gave me some more drugs in my IV. But then I had to pee and she wouldn't let me get up because of the drugs so she made me use a bed pan. I don't know how anyone can pee laying down. That was unsuccessful. Anyways after I was stable enough to walk and take a decent bathroom break they let me get dressed and go. I was glad to go. It was uncomfortable there and also there was a patient who was in a lot of pain and moaning and groaning. That's rough to listen to.
The Ibuprofen helped but I have been bleeding quite a bit since the procedure. I called the doctor today, Saturday, and was told I should only be worried if I get dizzy or faint. But I was also prescribed some drugs that apparently are going to make the cramping worse but hopefully expel all this blood and shrink down my uterus. Sounds super fun. I am so over all this.
So I will end this post with some happier things:
#1- On Tuesday we rode our bikes down by the library again and did some more sidewalk chalk art. Got some better pictures this time.
Jacob, our neighbor, had come with us and helped Penny make a unicorn superhero (pic below).
Side note- Lucy's picture is a big cactus and a little cactus and she wrote "You can believe big and you can believe small"
#2- When Penny kept coming back inside sunburned I told her she needed to wear a hat when she goes outside. She then wore one nonstop for a few days. I think she looks pretty cute in a hat.
#3- I realize I forgot to share about Mother's Day. My mother's day was really nice. I got to sleep in. Tyler made my favorite strawberry crepes. I spent most of the day lazing about in my room reading. And the kids and Tyler even cleaned the house for me. The only hiccup was that I had asked Tyler for a butterfly necklace to help me remember Isaac with (we always say butterflies are Issac saying hello). Tyler got me one but it was just not my style- the butterfly was really big and blingy. I felt so bad telling him I didn't like it because he had really tried. *Sigh*
#4- Lucy made herself a dragon costume- it was perfection
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