Monday was a really rough start to the week. The kids had a hard time getting back into the swing of school and Steven and I had a particularly rough battle. He had a Zoom meeting that he did not want to attend because of screen time. In the end, he lost screen time and it was decided that we had to trash our daily schedule. It just wasn't working to have an hour of screen time in the morning and one in the afternoon because of all the Zoom meetings. Now we just do both hours in the afternoon after all the school work and Zoom meetings are over. It has definitely helped.
Wednesday I finally decided it was time to take care of myself again and did a work out. Ironically that night our Youth Activity via Zoom was also a work out. I turned off my camera and sat that one out. I am not in the kind of shape yet where I can do 2 workouts a day, ha ha. I am so sore from working out again. I know it's a good thing but oh my achin' back.
Thursday after much procrastination I went for my d and c follow up. There were so many factors keeping me from making this appointment- really awful last memories of being there, all the happy pregnant people that will inevitably be there, and then there was the fact that I knew I wasn't healing correctly and worried I might need a second d and c. Unfortunately my worries were justified. The doctor did a vaginal ultrasound and discovered something in my uterus- either tissue or a fibroid. Also my uterus still seems large. I have to go in for a second ultrasound Monday and if it is tissue, I will likely need a second d and c.
I melted down when I got home. It feels like salt in the wound. I had prayed so hard that the doctor would do it properly and then when I felt I wasn't healing I prayed to be healed. I feel like I can accept the miscarriage but I am having a hard time accepting this further complications. I want this to be over. And I also don't want the financial burden of another d and c (we're at $2600 for the first and still haven't received the anesthesiologist bill). It's just really awful and this stupid coronavirus makes me just feel so isolated in my pain.
Friday I was still sad but thankfully it was a warmer day and we could get out and do a bike ride. Getting out helps. Also, we started teaching Penny to ride a 2 wheeler this week and goodness she caught on fast. She is great at balancing and riding and doing well at stopping (and pretty good at catching herself when she falls). She's done some laps around the neighborhood and maybe soon I'll be comfortable enough to let her ride to our spot by the library.
Friday night the boys wanted to do a camp out. Much too cold for me but they were real excited at the prospect. They even set up the tent by themselves. The girls were given permission to join them for part of the night. However, after hot cocoa, and other fun things- the night got dark and they got scared. They all were back in by 10pm.
Thursday after much procrastination I went for my d and c follow up. There were so many factors keeping me from making this appointment- really awful last memories of being there, all the happy pregnant people that will inevitably be there, and then there was the fact that I knew I wasn't healing correctly and worried I might need a second d and c. Unfortunately my worries were justified. The doctor did a vaginal ultrasound and discovered something in my uterus- either tissue or a fibroid. Also my uterus still seems large. I have to go in for a second ultrasound Monday and if it is tissue, I will likely need a second d and c.
I melted down when I got home. It feels like salt in the wound. I had prayed so hard that the doctor would do it properly and then when I felt I wasn't healing I prayed to be healed. I feel like I can accept the miscarriage but I am having a hard time accepting this further complications. I want this to be over. And I also don't want the financial burden of another d and c (we're at $2600 for the first and still haven't received the anesthesiologist bill). It's just really awful and this stupid coronavirus makes me just feel so isolated in my pain.
Friday I was still sad but thankfully it was a warmer day and we could get out and do a bike ride. Getting out helps. Also, we started teaching Penny to ride a 2 wheeler this week and goodness she caught on fast. She is great at balancing and riding and doing well at stopping (and pretty good at catching herself when she falls). She's done some laps around the neighborhood and maybe soon I'll be comfortable enough to let her ride to our spot by the library.
Friday night the boys wanted to do a camp out. Much too cold for me but they were real excited at the prospect. They even set up the tent by themselves. The girls were given permission to join them for part of the night. However, after hot cocoa, and other fun things- the night got dark and they got scared. They all were back in by 10pm.
That night I also had another Zoom chat with friends. My friend Bethany who had moved to Utah arranged and their were about 9 other ladies there. Some who live here and some others who have moved away over the years. I'll be honest it was real boring at first. Everyone went through and updated each other on their lives and I pretty much knew most the updates already. So I busily puzzled. Then my friend Jenny C (we had visited her in VA a couple summers ago) updated that after 2 miscarriages she was pregnant. I hate that despite her hard road I felt envious of her. I also wanted to chat one on one with her because her story sounded so similar. Well with some patience everyone left the chat but her, and 2 other friends so I brought up my recent miscarriage and that like her, I had felt prompted to have this baby. There were so many similarities in our stories- only I am at the beginning and she is at the end so to speak. We had a good conversation and the other 2 ladies talked about some of their struggles and everyone shared good thoughts and advice and I am so glad I stuck in there. I needed that conversation with someone who had been in my situation.
Saturday I gave up keeping Ben away from his friend Jacob, our neighbor. I allowed him to go on a bike ride with him, then we were all chatting in their yard and before I knew it Jacob's mom was taking all my kids on her golf cart for a ride. So much for social distancing. Honestly though, it was so nice to talk to people in real life and Ben was just so happy to be with his friend again that I just don't feel that bad.
Saturday afternoon we went for a drive to Detroit. No one was that excited about it but I just wanted a family outing and that was as "out" as we could get. We saw some of the statues in Detroit, drove by the tall and historical buildings and ended at the Heidelberg Project which is described as having art in people's front yards but really looks like a lot of yard sale items piled up in various ways and painted on. Still it was enlightening to drive through the neighborhoods of Detroit on our way there and see that crazy variety of houses. It makes me feel blessed for the home I have.
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